I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
