I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
