No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
