As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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