They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
