i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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