Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
