Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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