First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
two words: eviction party
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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