We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My breasts were aching with rage.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
