The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
