His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
