shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
