Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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