you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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