Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if only i could text you this smell
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize