the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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