Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
