I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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