I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
