I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
