I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
