also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
