Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize