the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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