Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, beer. Big fan.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
