It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
