Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
