i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
