I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
