Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
