Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
