he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
