I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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