yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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