actually, I'm a sock model
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
