I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
