Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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