My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
