I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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