Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize