I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
