Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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