census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
