Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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