the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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