I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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