good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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