Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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