Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
