Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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