yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
