i don't like sucking hair
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
