I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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