I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
