The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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