2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
