you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
