I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
