Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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