yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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