I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
