as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
