if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
