i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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