As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
