i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize