Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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