My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
